Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
