four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
