just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
