I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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