Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
