paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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