They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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