Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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