Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just cut my nipple shaving
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
