My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
