Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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