the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
