Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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