I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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