Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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