I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
