and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
