Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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