the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
