i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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