I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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