So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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