just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
