Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
