at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
