Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
