Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
