kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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