I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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