i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
