And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
