I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
