i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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