You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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