i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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