I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
