I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
