Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
