dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
