He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
