Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
