I should be sponsored by Trojan
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
