i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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