he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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