just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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