I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
