Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
