Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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