I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just threw up on my dentist
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
