he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
