I'm going to jail i love you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
