I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
