I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
