turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
