shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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