perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
