Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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