Christians are straight up FREAKS
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
