I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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