Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
COCAINE IS GR8
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