i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
