Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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