I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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