dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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